Friday, 17 January 2014

Another Stick I've Peed On

I think I'm starting to believe I'm actually ACTUALLY pregnant.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still scared to look every time I go to the loo in case I'm bleeding. I wonder when that particular heart-in-mouth moment will no longer be a thing. Fearing the toilet is a pain in the arse when you have to go every 10 seconds (quite literally a pain in the bladder, actually. Chortle.). Perhaps the solution is to do the shaky shaky drip dry! I'm good at camping and shaking your tail feather is the done thing in the bush when there's no TP in sight and you realise that most leaves are as absorbent as clingfilm. This, whilst probably/definitely not addressing the root problem would at least alleviate the wipe-and-look induced panic.

Whilst avoiding the toilet - no mean feat when your mouth is as dry as a dead dingo's donger (thanks pregnancy for the dry mouth and Australia for an accurate description) - I'm trying to get my head around dates. I could exhibit some patience and wait until the scan the week after next, but I want to know nooooooow (whiny princess voice, you know the one). I've basically read the entire internet and there are just too many uncertainties unless you've done ivf and know for certain, set in concrete, which date your embryos were fertilised. I didn't and I don't so it's all a massive guess...

Which is why the medical professionals date you from the first day of your last period. And we're back to this. I know when we probably had the sex that made this happen, but that's still not good enough because after the sex it can take a couple of days for sperm to meet egg and do the happy burrow dance. Oh and then it can take some more days for egg to meet womb and do its own little happy burrow dance. So going by this and my sexstimation, I could have been anywhere from 2-2.5 weeks when I had my blood taken, which would be 4-4.5 weeks medically speaking (from my imaginary lmp) and so, based on many charts, my hormone levels are good. Fine. 

But I sort of want them to be exceptional.

Let's call me 5 weeks. On Monday my hCG should be between 5680 and 13660. Won't have the results til Wednesday, of course (what do you think this is? A state capital? A thriving metropolis?), apparently this is a lesson in patience.

Now, where the fuck am I supposed to put my shoes and clothes when the dressing room has to be turned into a nursery? Far too early to think about that actually. Let's get the next few weeks out of the way and keep this womb dweller alive.

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