Monday, 20 January 2014


This weekend I was mainly... Exhausted. Oh, and I have a headache that won't go away. Did I mention tired?

I've taken up napping, and I'm really rather good at it. On the beach, on the sofa, on the bed - I can do it anywhere warm. Can't believe it's taken me so many years to discover the benefits of nap time! I am awake by 6 every morning, which isn't that much earlier than before, however now there is no chance of snuggling back into the warm body beside me and dozing for another half hour; when my bladder says it's time to get up and go, it's time to get up and go.

Amongst the napping I did manage to be a somewhat useful human. I worked a Sea Rescue shift on Saturday morning, went out to dinner on Saturday night with friends (incredible raw vegan restaurant), had a BBQ at our place on Sunday... So not a total waste of a weekend. We've also had friends staying with us the past few days - I had to share our "news" with them the second I ordered a lime and soda rather than a wine.

A couple of people know now, but I don't want to tell anyone else. It's such a ball ache feeling like I have to justify the fact that I'm not the over-the-moon-jumping-on-Oprah's-couch kind of happy. Maybe that will come, maybe it won't. The important thing is that we want this baby (not that we didn't want the last one - ha), and we know we're happy about it. However, in this particular game of nerves/happiness/squealing (it's a bit like paper/rock/scissors), nerves are winning. That's all there is to it, I think. If and when I start to feel pregnant, that is when the squealing will probably possibly maybe start. Although who really knows?

A wonderful side effect of what I can only assume is subconscious stress is massive pain in my jaw and the inability to clench my teeth - this makes chewing hard. I've always ground my teeth and gnashed them together while I sleep, but it's really bad at the moment. Solution? I dug out my mouth guard and have been trying to get used to it again. Although, since paying about $500 for it over a year ago, I'm not sure I've ever worn it for the whole night. I usually wake up without it and find it a week later in/under the bed/chest of drawers. No mean feat considering the brute force it takes to remove it from my mouth. Yay bruxism.

I think we need to sit down and talk about money. We won't starve but (thanks to my useless fucking company) we will need to eat into our savings any time I'm off work. In this day and age, mine must be the last remaining oil and gas operator to not offer maternity pay. Staff benefits are non-existent, I honestly don't know why I'm still here. Oh wait, I do. It's because I got pregnant before finding a new job and now it's too late. I'm positive that were I to be offered a new job tomorrow, if I declared my pregnancy within the probation period I would be let go on the spot (I still work in a man's world. Pregnancy is a weakness). Not to mention that you have to work at most companies for a year before maternity benefits kick in.

So while we won't be poor or breadline, we will be down to one income and no supplement. It's going to hurt. Maybe we should start talking about it soon and get the budget ball rolling. We've never had a "budget" really, we transfer money to savings as soon as I get paid and then just keep track of things. Big purchases (new car, flights back to Europe) come out of savings, everyday things (rent, groceries, petrol, bills) come out of our current account. Easy. Only now, we need to start saving a bit more than we usually do. We tend to save about 75% of my salary so once I'm no longer earning we'll not only not be saving, but we'll have a monthly deficit of 25% of my wage. That freaks me out. 

Enough talk of money! This morning, another blood test. I had it done at the lab this time; cutting out one of the the middle men should mean I have the results tomorrow rather than Wednesday. And so I wait, with bated breath.

Tonight, another Jungle Body class. This time in my new trainers! Never let it be said that I don't know how to treat myself.

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