Monday, 7 April 2014

Goodbye best skinny jeans, I'll miss you.

This weekend we mainly met our midwife (midwives). We've adopted a student midwife who will be with us at the rest of our appointments and scans, and at the birth - I think the continuity will be nice, there's no guarantee that our main midwife will be the one there during labour and birth (shift patterns, other women etc.). Our actual midwife, Helen, is really nice and really English, but winks A LOT. I'm sure I'll get over that. Maybe.

The booking appointment took over 2 hours... Who knew there was so much paperwork? Went through our medical histories and talked about (I suppose) the normal stuff. What happens next, antenatal classes, tests/screens, scans, the birth, what happens after. Would we like to keep the placenta? Um, no thanks. So you don't want to encapsulate it and eat it so the hormones nourish you? Or bury it in the garden and plant a "tree of life"? Gorgeous idea, but not sure our landlady would think biological waste in the garden was ideal. I brought up the cord blood - bank or donate - and I don't think I can donate it here (mad cow disease, I can't even donate blood "just in case") so that settles that. We'll look into banking it and see what's what. I also have to think about whether I want to birth the placenta naturally or have an injection. Naturally sounds better but there's a greater risk of hemorrhage and I really don't want to have to move to hospital. On the other hand, with the injection I'll have to get out of the lovely warm pool which doesn't sound awesome. Although, it will be full of blood, shit and tears so perhaps a good idea. There's time for all of this.

Last night I spoke to Mum and told her how unhappy my changing body makes me ("I am so sorry to have done terrible things to your self esteem that means that, for the moment, you can't enjoy being pregnant"). It's totally shit when you already have low self esteem to watch the scales creep up and bits of you that were hard become soft. She ordered me to go shopping at lunchtime today (Monday) to buy a dress that would make me feel good, which made me cry (the shopping, not the being ordered). Actual tears. But when I got back to the office my ASOS order was waiting for me and I now have some jeans, a skirt and a dress. Dress won't fit for a while yet but I could probably get away with the jeans now and the skirt if I wear a long top to cover the front bump panel bit. I hope I'll cry less over my body when I have a bump rather than a gradual spread. 2 kgs up so far but I feel like an elephant. Maybe then I'll let my husband see me naked again - this could be an awkward honeymoon.

GARGH honeymoon. Bikini? Or do I buy a swimming costume? I know I'll want pictures later on, but right now the thought of having my photo taken makes me feel sick - especially in a bikini. We're swimming with whale sharks and snorkeling around the Ningaloo Reef from a boat for a few days so there was due to be a lot of under water photography. Perhaps from the neck up only.

OH YEAH, both midwives reckon I have incredible abdominal muscle tone. They're not surprised I'm not showing and think I probably won't "pop out" for a while. Go me with the abs. I basked in that abdominal glory for a while, now I'm back to crying over what's covering my toned abdomen. Bleurgh.

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