Thursday, 22 January 2015

Mid-settling Moments

Last night I sat in the dark nursery and breastfed BabyF and it was so peaceful and intimate I could have cried. I think that's the closest I've been to feeling like she's all mine.

This was after she went down, slept for an hour and woke up screaming bloody murder for no apparent reason. She had bad wind (worse than usual which is saying something) and sore gums. I calmed her down eventually but it took an hour and a quarter to get her back to sleep - a lot of patting and shushing and back rubbing. Her latest trick is rolling onto her tummy and getting stuck - humans are odd creatures.

This morning a nurse brought BabyF to my room at 5:30 which is a little (!) early for my liking. I was still really groggy from the seroquel and started to panic that today would be an awful day. I could have cried. Instead, I fed the baby, rejoiced when she fell asleep, and somehow found the energy to move her from the bed to the cot so we wouldn't get busted for cosleeping. When I'm with baby we're on 15 minute checks so time was somewhat of the essence.

Most of the other girls have gone out to lunch today but I'm still not allowed to leave without HN1 or a member of staff. Sandwiches and soup again for me! Oh and 45 minutes of settling BabyF. And half a lorazepam. 

Mid-settling of BabyF today we had another beautiful moment; she was breastfeeding  and half asleep, my forehead was resting on hers and she was curled into my body. She felt like she was mine again.

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