Wednesday, 2 December 2015

Head, Shoulders, Hand Foot and Mouth

I'm too tired to write right now. Freyja has hand foot and mouth and it sucks. She's teething too, which double sucks (for her mostly, but for us in terms of sleep deprivation!). I  think I must have forgotten how tired I was after she was born because each evening at the moment I think to myself "dude, I've never been THIS tired". It's not even 9pm and I'm hanging out to go to bed. Poor Kane has to get up at 5 tomorrow morning to go to work, so we'll probably be up at 5 with him because the house CREAKS and the baby hears everything.

Yep, we got up at 5:30. It was as awesome as it sounds - by 9:30 we'd played, had breakfast, played more, had a nap and were playing again. Days like that feel like they're never ever going to end. And not in the good way.

I'm way more chipper today. We went to Paris for a long weekend with my ma, bro and his girl, which was pretty rad but the whole experience pales in comparison to the sleeping tablet I took last night and the 9 hours of blissful sleep that ensued. Mmmm, sleep. Paris was good though, lots and lots and lots of walking, lots of eating good food and drinking in dive bars. Completely different experience avec baby, but mum stayed in with her on the Saturday night and the rest of us hit the dive bars hard-ish. What am I saying, anything more than one drink is a banging night these days and a banging head the morning after.

We're slightly quarantined this week due to aforementioned hand foot and mouth. No nursery, no Tumble Tots, no playgroup, no swimming... So today we bought some paints and brushes and painted everything except the paper. Crayola had better be true to their word - which was 'washable'.

I just bought a new laptop! Like, 5 seconds ago. It's awesome, would have been more awesome in gold but they're like gold dust so black it is. I can always give Freyja some gold paint and put a piece of paper next to the laptop.

In less exciting news, I hate my body. Looking in the mirror makes me feel sick (as does getting dressed, undressed, leaving the house, people looking at me, stepping out in Paris where everyone is thin and beautiful... But the absolute worst thing at the moment is seeing new mums who are thin. I can't stand it. I'm SO angry that I was put on stupid fucking medication that makes everyone fat when they KNEW I had body issues. I wasn't in a place to make an informed decision, so that was taken away from me and now I'm a UK 14 which roughly translates to WHALE. I'm about to start a 90 day plan, well I'd like to but it involves weighing myself and taking front back and side pictures, and I'm not sure I can cope with that yet. I've wasted so many years thinking "I'm so fat", and now I am fat I can't believe how thin I was sometimes. Gargh. Fuck.



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