Wednesday, 13 January 2016


The kid has stopped eating again, which would be just about bearable had she not given up sleeping too. Apparently it's only at home that she looks into your eyes as she drops her food on the floor or throws it across the room; at nursery she's an angel and eats like a pro. At least she's having 2 meals a week, I suppose. She also now appears to be allergic to her toothbrush which makes brushing her teeth hard - we have to hold her down and brush when she opens her mouth to scream. It's awful and I worry that we're doing something really negative, but I've read that dental issues cause the majority of hospital admissions of under 5's. I know, I've read it so it must be true.

Waking up at 4am is getting old really fast. The latest addition to the way-too-early-mornings is waking up around 1am and spending the rest of the night kicking and tossing and turning and crying in our bed. Until we cave and give her a bottle to chew on (again with the sugar in the milk and the teeth and the not brushing and oh my god they're going to rot and fall out way before her big teeth are ready). She then wakes up at 4 and wants to get up and play. Kill me.

Another thing getting on my tits at the moment is this stupid Body Coach "diet". I've done a month of low carb, high protein, high fat (compared to my normal diet) and HIIT exercise, and seen ZERO results. Not a kilo or a cm lost from anywhere. I hate that I was taken in by the before and after shots on social media, and that I spent £147 on a plan that essentially told me to drop carbs, cook from scratch (already did), eat my weight in processed quorn (don't get me started on how shit the veggie plan is, or how eggs and dairy are included in EVERY SINGLE RECIPE of my "allergic to eggs and dairy" "PERSONALISED" plan), and follow workouts on youtube. According to the thousands strong 90 day sss FB group I follow, clean eating and cooking from scratch is a massive revelation (and a massive ballache) for the majority of people on the plan. I wonder if this is why it isn't working for me; my body isn't shocked by fresh ingredients and a bit of exercise. People spend hours and hours prepping their meals for the week ahead because they don't know how to do it any other way! It seems ridiculous. 

I've written to my "coach", who will no doubt send me another email full of copy and pasted paragraphs containing none of the answers to my questions and no reassurance whatsoever. The coaches have no nutritional training as far as I can gather, and the only thing that qualifies them to be coaches is that they've done the plan and love it. I did a year of a maths degree, this does not qualify me to be a maths professor. Just sayin'.

Unless I see some dramatic overnight results (and I won't hold my breath) this will be my last week on the plan. The next cycle is all about gaining muscle and I'm not ready to do that until I have lost some fat (and I have a lot to lose). My next port of call might be Slimming World - thanks to another of my FB groups of lovely ladies losing weight, mostly on SW - but it might not. I'm not sure how much I want to pay to be told to eat healthily and be weighed in front of a room full of strangers. I think I can manage to be accountable to myself, thank you very much, and ritual humiliation isn't my bag.

In other news, I have a girls weekend in Bath planned and I'm really looking forward to it. Spa, massage, wine, best friends. All good. My nutribullet and 4 bags of spinach will not be coming with me, nor will any guilt over wanting to eat an apple or a carrot with hummous. I won't be weighing 17 grams of chia seeds or 73 grams of avocado, or forcing myself to eat 0% Greek yoghurt whilst trying not to gag. Stupid fucking diet.

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